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I understand now what loneliness is

The pain and stress that I once missed

People who were with me are no longer here

Clouds of darkness have crept everywhere

When they were, I was never scared

Indifferent, ingenuous, I never cared

I made them cry I tore their heart

Foolishly thinking they’ll never depart

When I realized it was too late

I always thought their love was fate

There is nothing I can do for what I have done

I’ve lost time, it will never return

Now no one hears my sorrows and despairs

My screams are silent yet pierce my own ears

Oh loneliness, oh loneliness

I’m so hollow and distressed

I long for human connection again

My past still renders me perplexed

Oh loneliness, oh loneliness

*Intellectual property of Maital Shafiq Khan, Written by me.

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When you decide that you’re going to move on, that you’re going to step up not look back and let go, that’s the point you turn your life over. That is the precise moment you realize that your past life is exactly what it is, the past. You are in the present. And dragging your past into your present is only going to make your future like your last and basically you’ll be standing where you first started. You need to step forward, chin up and eyes wide open. Absorb your environment and spread your wings. Lets the wind catch them and you’ll find yourself in the air and lighter on your feet. You’ll feel like you’re going somewhere. It doesn’t matter where as long as you’re moving. But isn’t that what life is all about? Moving? Nobody cares about the destination. Everybody wants to know about the journey, the story. You tell the destination and you kill all the suspense. And life is all suspense isn’t it?


There’s a constant ringing in your head. You can’t tell if you’re hearing it or if it’s just auditory hallucination. But it’s there. You don’t deny that. You indulge yourself in the world around you, just to dull the sound and you succeed. You’re distracted. But you think about it and you hear it again. As if it never went away. Days pass then months then years and then the ringing stops. You’re being covered in white and put to rest six feet under. There’s no more noise. There’s no more of that annoying sound. Just peace. Eternal peace. Or is it really eternal? You’re being awakened. Was it a dream? Whatever it was, you didn’t have to hear that awful noise anymore. Where are you now? In your bed you lied down on a couple of hours ago? Was it actually a dream? And then it dawns on you. Oh no. Oh no no no. That was no dream. As much as you wish it were it wasn’t. And that ringing starts again. This time you can point your finger at it. It’s telling you that you’re too late. It’s full of sorrow and defeat. It’s telling you your time is up. It’s helpless that you never gave it due attention. And now it’s too late. It’s all over. Eternally. 
You put your finger on your heart. This isn’t a dream you’re in. Listen closely to your heart. It’s only ringing because you’ve never heard it out. It has something to tell you. It just might give you eternal blissful deliverance. 

Death Too Shall Die


The flame flickers and fights for one last breath. It suffocates, coughs, spits, but manages to flicker back to light. Darkness engulfs it, creeps into its glow and begins to consume it. It is dying but it doesn’t want to. It doesn’t know what is in store for it. Freedom or eternal imprisonment? The thought frighten the flame and for a moment it forgets to breathe.Death hovers above with an evil snicker and a hollow timeless laugh. Such petty creatures it muses. So helpless by nature. With red gleaming eyes and an aura of icy cold it passes through the dying flame. Let it taste death, death grins. The flame extinguishes. Death closes those woeful eyes and takes a deep breath, devouring the smoke, taking out its soul. The flame is free, yet imprisoned in death. Death hovers away, satiated, satisfied. Little does death know that its time too has come. Death will die. But let it enjoy the few moments it lasts. Death prevails, but not for long.


Since the creation of Pakistan more than half a century ago, it has faced more than it’s fair share of troubles, crises and challenges. From the assassination of Liaqut Ali Khan to the current suicide bombings during the month of Muharram, all these cataclysms boil down to two distraught factors which are tearing the fabric of the country; the energy crisis and extremism. Unfortunate for the citizens of the nation, these two factors have unconsciously crept into every household discussion. 
 
It is shameful when we hear about the potential of energy production in our country yet we fail to see steps taken to utilise it. Take the Kalabagh dam for instance; brainchild of the government for after the silting of the Mangala and the Tarbela dam, the project got red taped and was lost in the echelons of history. 
 
Similarly, now that the Kalabagh dam issue has been resurrected it has come under political crossfire, the only reason being that our rulers have never held our national interest supreme but have always acted upon their personal interest. The federal government is conveniently blind to the provincial discord caused by politicising affairs pertaining particularly to the nation as a whole. 
 
As a consequence, the entire nation has been forced to face severe ramifications; the industrial sector suffering the worst. Textile mills, the machine industry, printing presses and especially the private sector has been forced to shut down due to lack of the energy resources required. People have become disgruntled and have taken to the streets to protest the callous attitude our rulers have towards the situation in the nation.
 
Businesses have started to migrate abroad where the owners see more hope in economical growth as well as growth in the bussiness community. The GDP of our country decreases due to the shift in investments and it further submerges in the towering debts it has to pay to alien countries.
 
Another crushing challenge which Pakistan had come to face only recently is of extremism. Being born in a certain sect and not willing to review our perceptions especially in the light of logics and facts causes extremism to creep into our lives. This happens mainly because most of the mosques in our country are under the control of various sects or feudal authorities rather than being in control of the state. 
 
The government is also silent in response to the drone attacks and is in pursuance of the foreign policy of an alien country whereas our own people are being slaughtered in the tribal belt. 
 
In effect, these people become blind to use their intellect and simply start to think in terms of revenge. May it be revenge because of an air attack taking the lives of the person’s entire family or just his mere search for individuality or purpose in this life. They resort to joining extremist groups and cults which indoctrinate these people and they result in suicide bombings all over the country.
 
Amplifying the actions of these people are the mosques which when are not state regulated have the undue freedom of preaching whatever they please. This becomes the basis of spreading faulty knowledge of religion resulting in polarised and radicalised mindsets of the community. Once a common mind is brainwashed of his own beliefs and ideas, it is but a matter of time that his behaviour, his nature and his personality become radicalised as well. And once this process is complete, the mind is ready to be dealt any card by anyone. 
 
Pakistan since its dependently independent history has been victim to a host relationship with its parasite, whomever the parasite may be. Yet it manages to stand tall above the horrid storms it has had to face and beckons for anyone who is still sincere to it to take a stand and fight for it. What once a nation was searching for as a piece of land, that very piece of land now searches for a nation.

The Devilish Trance


ImageShe pranced around the room making conscious effort to keep all her actions flawless. Calculated gestures executed at the exact second of their birth so as not to lose the immaculate shimmer in her language of the body. Silent as the graves she invented a language of her own, understandable to none but acclaimed by all. Pristine beauty trickling down her existence as her lush black hair moved of their own accord, responding to a different life source altogether. Her twists and turns delicately outlined her sensuality as her dress clinged onto perfection of exquisiteness. People forgot to breathe, to blink. As if one blink would lose a million moments in gold. But it’s not the girl they’re awed at, it’s her body. The way her luscious lips are pursed together speaking a tale of a separate universe. Her budding being moves like clockwork; delicate, complicate, magical. People hear her body singing. Telling a story of hurt and sadness, of death and despair, of creation and demise. Tears start to trickle down the girl’s eyes yet they seem part of her act. They glisten in the dim light for a second and portray as diamonds on the fingers of royalty. The tears leave a trail on the girl’s almost heavenly face defining for generations to come what path a tear drop should take. She keeps on dancing that mesmerizing dance of hers. Suddenly she stops. Doesn’t twitch or move a muscle. People around her anticipate something more. Her flowing dress wraps around her in its defined momentum and then unwraps itself to its full form. The girl and her gown are one with themselves. The girl and the gown both say a silent prayer to the universe before they step off the stage, this time for eternity. The crowd stands still, in a satanic trance. The gown comes off her body exposing it to the wickedness of humanity. She sprawls on the ground and next is pulled up by her mime master. The devils work is done. The girl is lost in oblivion.

Find Your Individuality


Close your eyes pretty child
Descend into the dark abyss
The demons and monsters have surrendered
Let your fears your strength caress

They’re waving a white flag
Take control of the witch and hag
Wage a war inside yourself
You will a stronger being possess

Cursing yourself will do no good
Nor would hiding even if it could
Your demons have subdued
And caged your dreads
Keep them locked away you should

Your sparkling eyes betray your disguise
The one you’ve doused behind your smiles
You’re journey is still a thousand miles
Don’t let life snatch your paradise

Belief in love and trust you’ve lost
Even your buffer zone you’ve crossed
But if you shut yourself to miracles
How will you get what was always yours?

Whenever you sit dejected and depressed
Look up above at the twinkling stars
They shine and vanish and shine again
Tales of courage and a solid heart

If the stars so majestic and benign
Can flicker out and lose their shine
Yet rekindle of their own accord
So can you relive a step at a time

Lose your sorrows and regrets
Forget your past and move ahead
The world is ripe to pluck its fruit
You linger here and there instead

What’s not with you was never yours
You drown amid a round of applause
Trying to tie broken strings together
Even diamonds can never last forever

A whole new life ahead of you waits
Don’t waste yourself go claim your prize
Try on every shoe you can possibly find
You’ll one day find your Cinderella size

Don’t stop dreaming don’t lose hope
Sometimes life gets tough to cope
The road does get rough
You will have had enough
Insanity will prevail
Your life may derail
But you will live on
You won’t be a pawn
Anymore, in this game of chess
No more people to impress
Be your own church and pope


What do you do all of sudden when you realize that your life has lost direction? What do you feel when you suddenly figure out that your most sincere efforts to live in the moment turned out to be but frail attempts to seek subjective frivolous happiness? What do you plan when you acknowledge the fact that you do not have any solid, tangible plan for your future anymore? Do you realize that your loss of direction, your pursuit of happiness and your attempts to live in the moment are a major life changer and take a break, an intentional detachment from life to sort things out or do you just keep on going because you feel that maybe if it’s been working for so long, it will keep on working? Which one of the two conclusions that you’ve managed to reach makes you stronger and which one defines you as another nobody? All these questions when asked together help you to rearrange yourself. They siphon out all the negatives and positives and plainly layout in front of you what you are not, what you are meant to be and contrastingly what you are at present. Now the conclusion that you will derive will thoroughly determine what you are going to be on the outside. The interesting point is where, when your conclusion is so insane that you adopt a certain outset and when your conclusion is acceptable you adopt a certain outset, both the outsets will be the same. The right amount of hammering can only reveal what you are on the inside. And if a person has reached an insane conclusion about himself, trust me, you do not want to hammer him much. He will have the power to devour you. So in the end, no matter what people think of themselves, no matter how they present themselves, you never really know what you’re in for. That, I believe, is both the beauty and the horror of life.

Subjectivity of Beliefs


 

 

 

People say all sorts of stuff. They believe in all sorts of stuff. Something which you deride they may worship. Then where is the core of all these beliefs? If your beliefs are all collections of conditionings and past experiences, where is the objectivity in your life that you roam around enforcing on people? Why can’t we break ourselves from this bondage and for a change feel free rather than act free? Have you ever thought how fate and destiny are intertwined? Have you ever wondered what the purpose of your sole existence is? Yes you have but then again no you haven’t. You do ponder over all of this but you don’t reach a conclusion because you don’t want to. Because if you do you’d have answered all the questions that define you and then the purpose of living, the thirst that took you for a quest, would be defeated. So it all comes back to where you started your thought process. In the end, we all are somehow interlinked. We all somehow believe in something beyond us, greater than us and we all know that we are not free. We realize Alas! We are imprisoned in our own freedom.

 

 

 

+1000 Hits


Dear all who took out the time and showed even the remotest of interest in what i had to offer, it is with the help and zest of you people that i have today reached plus one thousand hits on my blog. Even though 1000 hits is not that much of a deal but then again, i believe, every step forward is an achievement. It means a lot to me, that people go through what i’ve written and feel it as if they can touch it, as if the emotions involved are tangible. What i write means millions to me. It is a part of myself that i spread out across the screen on the computer and scribble down on paper with ink. 

 

This post is dedicated to you all. Thank you for your support.

 

Regards,

Waleed Yazdani